Title Pending.....

Tonight I sit in one of my favorite spots in our home, our back deck - in one of our two K-State purple rocking chairs, overlooking the sunset. The sunsets just to the left of my "thinking tree" the tree that I sit and look at in the mornings while drinking coffee or in the evening while having a glass of wine. I have shared a lot of thoughts with this tree throughout the past 5 years, have spent a lot of time in prayer here and a lot of time asking God some tough questions. 15 years ago I dreamt that someday I would be able to watch the sunset in my rocking chair, that I would be able to have a large garden, that I would have a family, and that we would have a small little hobby farm for our children to grow up on and to experience some of life's hidden and greatest treasures (I didn't dream about having a camel then, but I most certainly do now, so there are still goals!), I wanted my children to learn about love and loss, about living and dying, about the purpose and importance of raising livestock, to learn to love the land that they live on, and to leave things better off then how they found it (we are still working on that).... and here we are - living that dream. 

As I sit here tonight and reflect on those things, I am so overwhelmed by the last month. 

Today we had our follow up appointment in Topeka, this was the first time that we saw our PA and Neurosurgeon since the day we were sent home. One of the first Thank You notes I wrote when we got home was to our surgeon. I thanked her for giving Kevin a new lease at life, I thanked her for giving our children the father that they deserved and I thanked her for giving Kevin and I a new start and a second chance. There are so many other things that I want to thank her for, but I am not sure that there are words for so many of my feelings - I am still working through some of that. 

Today we found out that Kevin's tumor is benign, that it is a Grade 2 (it could be worse, it could be better) and that it is indeed a meningioma (we were pretty sure that it was this based upon what they saw when we got in there). We air hugged our surgeon, we shared a lot of our successes and we talked a lot about progress. He will most likely have some radiation, just to keep the tumor from coming back again, but this will be up to the hematologist and oncologist that we will meet in another month. Right now, we just want to focus on Kevin getting healthier and stronger. He has been released to begin to lift more weight each and every week (5lbs. for the first 3 weeks was not much) and is allowed to bend over. While he is not allowed to run, kick box (no 9Round for him) or anything aggressive, he is allowed to go on longer walks, ride his incumbent bike and other non-impactful things (Kennedy is excited to go on walks with him). We just don't want to shake his brain up. 

We went to Kevin's office, and all of the staff from the Shawnee County DA's Office came into the lobby. I have never realized how many people Kevin works with, he talks about different attorney's, different legal assistants and tosses names around here and there, but seeing their physical presence today gave me goose bumps. The love, generosity and compassion that his office has shown him through this process is something that all organizations should strive to do for all of their employees. While Kevin was in the hospital, I ate lunch one day with all of those who were around (and the conference room was full), I spent some time in Chuck's office with some of Kevin's co-workers, just sharing in what we knew and what was to come for this treatment plan. These were some of the happier times I had during that week, his co-workers shared stories about Kevin and silly nuances that he has (his lack of organization!).  In the past, I have criticized Kevin for being too loyal to the work that he does and is loyal to a fault, and today I realized why he has such a strong commitment to everyone there. Today I realized why that loyalty is so important. Today I saw that loyalty returned in prayers, love and social distanced hugs; not just today, but throughout the last month. 

Mike Kagay, your support of your attorneys and staff has not gone unnoticed, and our family publicly thanks you for that. 

On our way home tonight we hit Highway 99, as we were coming into Wamego I was so overwhelmed by our good news, our loving friends, our supportive employers (both of our employers) and everything that has happened, and the tears just started to flow. I have held it together for most of this journey, I found strength where I never knew strength existed. I have found confidence and calmness in a time of unknowns and turmoil. I have said to myself on more than one occasion "not today satan" when the negative thoughts, the what-ifs and the uncertainties started to surface. Today I cried happy tears on our way home, tears of joy, tears of thankfulness and tears of weeks of anxiety that I didn't even know where there, and I began to find peace. 

While today a very large chapter of our lives came to an end, a new chapter of our lives has begun. I have written more this summer between the blog and an intense grad school course, than I have written over the last few years. I have found peace and solace in my writing this summer, with the blog and also with class. I have started to find enjoyment in writing instead of the dreaded groan. To those of you who are following our journey we thank you, to those of you who have texted/called/IM'd/sent messages/communicated in some ways, we thank you. To those of you who have prayed for us or sent us positive thoughts, we thank you. To anyone reading this, we thank you. 

Kevin volunteered (I asked him) to write a blog post, I'll post that tomorrow so that many of you can hear from him. His progress is nothing short of a miracle.