One Week

If the first 7 days leading up to surgery were overwhelming, this last week has been just as much, but on the opposite end of the spectrum. 

It is no secret that 2020 has not been the best year in terms of politics, racial injustice and that little thing called Covid-19. We have seen some of the worst of our humanity, our country has become more divided than ever over politics, race and whether or not we should wear a piece of fabric over our face (yes, you should, to protect Kevin at the very least).  There is constant violence throughout our country. While we all thought 2020 sucked, June 13 took an even worse turn for our family. There were some very dark moments for both Kevin and I together, and apart. In those darkest moments we found some of the absolute best parts of humanity that we never knew existed. The love, support, prayers, thoughts, texts, phone calls, impromptu visits, etc. have overwhelmed us in some of the best ways possible. This crappy situation has given me so much hope.

Many of you know Kennedy, she is a worrier, she is wiser than her 5 years of age, and she has little ears that listen and process more than we would ever think. For those of you who know Avery, you know this kid just cares about eating his fruit snacks and watching PJ Masks and running around outside. The love, care, attention and support that you have given our kids means more to me than anything. So many of you have stepped in and have loved our children like your own, and somedays that can take a lot. You know how to keep these children entertained, pre-occupied and to keep their minds off of everything happening around them. We know that KJ picked up on more of our conversations than we wanted her to (which is my fault because Kevin wasn't even here), and has shared some of her concerns that she has with both Kevin and I, which has been really discerning. This last week she has been able to act like the carefree 5 year old she should be, painting, drawing, talking, whining, swimming, running, and loving on her cats. 

I know that in 20 years, KJ and Avery will remember the outpouring of love for their family during this time. It is my hope that we teach them both about the value of helping others, the value of loving others and the value of giving others the support that they need. Even when they don't think that they do. 

As for Kevin, he is a walking miracle. I thank God every day that he gave us both a new outlook on our love and marriage together. While Kevin is absolutely still the same man I knew in college and fell in love with a few years later (because let's be honest, we would have never have dated in college), he has changed, and it is for the better. 

On one of my many trips back and forth to Topeka, the Rodney Atkins song "If you're going through hell" came on, and it felt so appropriate at the time

If you're going through Hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

Well I been deep down in that darkness
I been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different demons
Breathing fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled
I'd fall right into the trap that they were laying, yeah

But the good news
Is there's angels everywhere out on the street
Holding out a hand to pull you back upon your feet
The one's that you been dragging for so long
You're on your knees
You might as well be praying
Guess what I'm saying
If you're going through Hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

I hate that we had to go through hell and back to get where we are, and to where we will be in another year, but I am forever blessed for all of you who helped to hold us up during this time.