A Humbled Patient

Sarah asked me to be a guest blogger today. She wanted my perspective on everything that has happened in the past few weeks. I think I can summarize the entire situation in one word: humbling. For those of you that know me, I’m pretty self-sufficient and don’t often ask for help. From the initial detection of the problem by the Eye Doctors in Manhattan to the removal of staples I have had to rely on someone else using their God-given gifts to help me make a full recovery. That has been humbling.

While I was sitting in the hospital in the week leading up to the surgery I had a lot of time to think. I got to think about how long God watched over me when I drove to and from work each day so I didn’t have a stroke or seizure. I got to think about what happens if I lose cognitive or physical abilities after the surgery and how that would impact my ability to work and care for my family. Then I thought about what happens if the tumor was cancerous or came back again. All of this was humbling.

After the surgery I stayed in ICU for about a day. During that time I heard people cry out in pain and sad family members of loved ones in rooms next to me. I was not experiencing pain and I was told that the surgeon felt like she got all of the tumor. While I knew there was still a road to go for recovery, I felt like my problems were minor in comparison to others around me. I was humbled again by God’s love and healing of me.

Since I have come home things have gone well. Sarah and the kids have taken great care of me, and I continue to try and do more things on my own each day. One thing that I have noticed since the tumor was removed is I can feel emotions better. I have been more engaged with my family and people in general. I doubt I become an extrovert, but I’m a more social introvert now. I play games with the kids and interact with them more than I have in years. Sarah and I are doing better as well. I’ve told her I’m not using the tumor as an excuse for me becoming distant in our marriage, but I do think that not having the tumor has allowed me to appreciate how lucky I am to have Sarah by my side. I am humbled at how strong Sarah is by not giving up on me and continuing to work hard to have our marriage be healthy. That is one area where I know I can be an active contributor now.

The final thing that this process showed me is how kind people are. The amount of love and help that has been poured out over all of us is overwhelming. This love was expressed through prayers, cards, gifts, meals, helping with household and yard chores, talking with Sarah to help her process everything, and text messages to see how I am doing. This isn’t something we asked for, it just happened. I will never be able to thank everyone enough for all that has been done for our family, but I am humbled by it.

I stopped by the office the other day for a little bit to see all of my co-workers. I miss them dearly as I have taken off more time in the past month than I have in the past 10 years combined. I was humbled by how many people came to see me and hear the good news about the tumor being benign. While I will still be out of the office for a couple more weeks, it did my soul good to see everyone and thank them for covering my workload during my absence.

I think that about summarizes what I have felt throughout this removal of Bartholomew (aka brain tumor). I thank God daily for the blessings he has poured out on all of us, but especially for saving my life. I will continue to seek out God’s plan for me, as I truly believe this was his way of saying, “I’m not through with you yet.” In just a few short weeks I have been humbled by medical professionals, friends and family, and most importantly God. I do feel like this is my second chance to live life to its fullest, love those around me harder, and most importantly continue to seek out God’s plan for me.